CNF- Creation Myth

Every family has stories or myths of how they came to be.  Some say they came over to America by boat.  Other's say that they have been over here for centuries, and they were some of the founding families.  These stories can't always be proven or disproved.  Families will always have stories, no matter what time we are in, there will always be a story or myth that is passed down from generation to generation.

My family is no different.  I can remember being in 5th grade and having a project about my heritage.  I ran home that night and gave my father a huge hug.  "Daddy, where do I come from?" my eyes looking up at him like he was my hero.  And at the time he really was.

There was a stunned look upon his face. "Well Jaymie.  When a mommy and daddy love each other very much..."

"No dad!  Not where I come from, but like my heritage or something." I quickly cut him off before he could continue with his story.

A look of relieve swept his face.  "We are Italian, Native American, German, Yugoslavian, and a mix of a lot lot more.  Why do you need to know?"

"I have to make a flag in class and I need to know where I come from.  Where is Yugoslavia anyways?"

"Its in Russia.  They eat horses and dogs there.  Its so cold you would freeze if you didn't kill and animal for it's fur."  My father continued on about how this place supposedly was.  Now I think he was only doing it to scare me, but when I was that little I thought he was serious.

That is just one myth that my family has told me.  There are many more.  So many in fact that it would take me forever to write them all down.  I can remember every time my parents or even my siblings told me a story.  My first thought is that they have to be telling the truth, they are my family, they wouldn't lie to me.  That is before they told me I was an alien.

We were at my dad's baseball game and my older brother was left in charge or my and my sister.  They took me to the playground where my brother sat me down and told me a story I will never forget.  I was an alien, from the planet of "Bombzilla."  (My brother loved the movie Godzilla at the time, if you can't tell.)

I had landed on my families doorstep when I was just a baby alien.  My mother thought it would be a fun  "experiment" to raise a baby alien.  So they went to the store and bought a costume that looked and felt like a human baby.  The store clerk that sold this to them even said it would grow as I grew.  They then proceeded to super glue me into the costume where I was to that day.

My brother and sister had me completely convinced.  He told my mom, dad, and sister to go along with the story.  They even made up a language they later told me was my native tongue.  They had me thinking this for over a year before finally telling me that it was fake.

Every family has stories or myths that get passed down from mother to daughter or father to son.  My family is no different.  And I bet neither is yours.  The stories may differ drastically, just like how different families are.

CNF- Character

Irritable: easily irritated or annoyed

She walks into the room.  Her head already spinning.  And yet even though she's in the back of the room, arms folded across her chest, headphones placed in her ear, eyes glaring around the room, people have the audacity to try to talk to her.  Today is just not the day to try to talk to her.  She can't fake nice today, and that's what they expect, her to be nice.  

***

Her world has begun to crumple. Piece by piece, just slipping away from her.  Bit by bit, disappearing into the abyss that she calls her life.  There is nothing left inside of her.  Nothing left to make her care anymore or even try to act nice or happy.  She is just existing now. 

***

They walk up to her, fake smiles spread across their faces.  "Hi! Hope you have a great day!" You could just hear how fake they were being.  Her face starts to gradually change colors.  Pale to pale peach to pink to red.  

"Really," she sharply replied, "you hope I have a great day?  Want to know what the hell I hope!  I hope that you shut your mouth and walk away already."  Anger was raging through her voice.  She was done putting up with their fake personalities.  She had finally given up on them.  

***

When they walked away, her temper started to fade.  Her mood began to rise.  She felt much better.  The only thing that she could think of was that she hated people.  They were way to irritating for her to put up with.

What is Your Nothing?

"Can you let the dogs out Jaymie?" my mom asks from the kitchen.
"I'm busy right now. I can't!"
"Oh, what are you so busy doing that you can't let your own dog out?" she demands.
"Nothing." I quickly replied.

Our definition of nothing has drastically shifted.  The actual definition of nothing is "no thing."  But you can never really do nothing.  If you really think about it, you are constantly doing something.  Breathing, talking, watching something, thinking.  The list is endless.  As organisms we are always living.

When we text people and ask them "What's up?" or something along those lines, our normal response is "Nothing." We never go into detail and say something like, "Oh you know just sitting on my couch, texting and thinking why the sky is blue." That would just be to much to type in one text, plus way to detailed for a text.  Is it that we have just become lazy and don't want to say what we are doing so we say nothing?

Our nothing's really aren't nothing anymore.  Its just our way of saying that we are to busy to say what we are really doing.  Could it be that our nothing is really our something now?  When we say we are doing nothing we are obviously not doing nothing.  We are talking just then.  Every second of the day we are thinking about something.  There is never a time when our brains aren't busy doing something.

We can always say we are doing nothing because it isn't important enough to go into detail of what we are really doing.  Or the action we are doing is embarrassing.  There are many reasons that we say we are doing nothing when we really are doing something.

My mom starts getting a little irritated.  "Your doing nothing? Then let the dogs out, now!"
"Mom, I said I was busy."
"Then you said you weren't doing anything. So go let the dogs out."
"I'm busy having a conversation mom!"
"Then why didn't you say that in the first place?" she asked.
"Because it wasn't that important."

CNF- Fall

The leaves are beginning to morph. The green fades into yellow; yellow to red; before the leaves make their final resting place on the ground.  You would never think that in such a beautiful season there would be such hardships for one person.
    She was caught in the midst of an unforgivable act. Her planned out future shattered like the glass of that car window. The car, she promised she would never be in. The car that she said she would only be in that one time. The car that she was caught in.
    You see the leaves fall and wilt on the ground. The season of the most change, yet her world is frozen still. "Trust is easier broken then built up again" her mother would explain but in a taunting way. Actions can change more than seasons, but they can affect you for the rest of your life.

CNF- Alternative Prompt

What is courage?  Courage is the ability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty, or intimidation.  Everyone has courage, even if they don’t think they do.  I know for a fact that I have more courage than I could have ever thought of. 

You can only know how much courage you have, when you are placed in a situation that forces you to have it.  For me, that came April of my sophomore year of high school.  I was placed in a situation where my courage was put to the test.  I was raped.  In a situation like that the only thing that really keeps you alive after is courage. 

I had the strength afterwards to continue to live my life.  I could have just stayed in a never-ending state of depression and not dealt with it.  However, I was able to pick myself up, with the help of others, and live my life.

Now, because of my experiences, I know that I have to courage to do anything.  I have the courage to survive the most traumatic events, and come out a better person because of what I’ve learned. 

I have the courage to grow into whatever I can so that I can survive and be a better person in turn.  If my life has taught me anything thus far it’s that I have the courage to grow.  

CNF- Work

Ma'am, I replaced you first burger not but three minutes ago. You came up here, with a chip on your shoulder, and said that it "didn't taste right" to you. That it tasted like "old meat" and that you wanted it "made fresh and well done." Then when I gave it to you you again you said it was to "salty and burnt." Really? What the hell do you want lady!?! This is McDonald's, not some fancy burger joint. If you want to bring this back to me one more god damn time, I think that I'm going to shove this burger somewhere that you really won't want it.  I'm so sick of you thinking that you can walk all over me because I work at McDonald's and you are what? A Walmart door greeter? You are just so much better than me. You old woman, I'm a 17 year old that is going somewhere with my life.  You on the other hand, aren't.  So why don't you just go sit back down and eat the "crappy" burger that you keep forcing me to remake. And if you have an issue with that, well I don't give a sh*t anymore.  Have a wonderful day! :)

CNF-Cancer

"She can't know! I'm serious; it would kill her if she ever found out."

"Honey, I'm not going to tell her, I promise." I can hear him let out a sigh.

What are they talking about? My parents are never secretive; they usually tell us what is going on. My body starts to stiffen, like a wooden board.

"What are we going to do Jason? We can't let the kids find out, they wouldn't deal with it well.  We both know that." My mom's voice is shaking.  Something is really wrong.  Mother is the strong one.  She always helps people in need and knows just what to say in every situation.  But she doesn't know what to do now?

My body begins to tremble.  I want to see what's going on, maybe if I lie down on the floor and crawl up to their door I can see under the door?  I look underneath the door, but all I can see is shadows.  My mom is pacing back and fourth, my dad just sitting completely still on the bed.

"It's going to be okay.  We are going to get through this, as a family.  You can fight this.  I know you can.  I believe in you."  There is a little tremble in his voice.  Is he starting to cry? My dad?  Crying? "The doctors know what they are doing, and have so much  they can do to help.  Babe we just have to trust in them, and everything is going to be fine!"  I could hear the strength in his voice, but it sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than my mom.

"I know that, but it's still cancer.  I can't have cancer at 32, I just can't.  It's not possible!" She starts to weep.  I hear her to try catch her breath, but the moment she does she starts to cry again.

My mom has cancer! What? No, that can't be!  We all just went out to the movies.  She was fine last week, she was fine last month, and hell she was fine last night.  The doctors must be wrong; they make mistakes all the time.  Right?

I see my mom's shadow stop pacing and go over to where my dad was sitting on the bed.  The two shadows become one.  My mom starts to cry hysterically in my dad's arms.  "You are going to survive.  Our family is going to be fine.  The doctors will make it all go away.  We will be fine.  You will be fine." He strokes her hair gently. "It's okay.  We are okay."

CNF- Memories

Have you ever had those days that you know for a fact you will remember them for the rest of your life? You can remember every last little detail. The smell of your mother's sweet perfume, the small smile spreading across her face when she looks at you and you’re gazing up at her, and the exact clothes she was wearing. I will always remember the way that she gracefully placed the golden brown eye shadow upon her lids.



I will always remember the fights that I had with my sister. How many times I screamed at her saying, "I f*cking hate you!" The sad part is, I can't remember many times where we got along and said, "I love you." I remember every time I glared at her, wishing that one day I would come home and she would be gone. Evaporated like mist in the air.



We all have those days that we remember every little tiny detail. No matter how many times you replay it in your head it always stays the same. Me, in my favorite shorts and black tank top, going to hang out with him. Worst mistake of my life. I can still taste his mouth; the mix of cigarettes and weed. Smoking every day never able to go more than an hour before having to smoke more cigarettes or get high again. I can still feel him on top of me, making sure I stay put. Making sure that his weight was on me enough that I couldn't get away if I even tried. Making sure that he was in control.



Those days when I feel like I can't take it anymore. My body wanting to fold into itself and collapse on my bed for the rest of my life. Crying so hard, my eyes are bloodshot and I finally find some peace in my sleep. My parent's convinced I'm on drugs, not thinking that maybe something was wrong.



I will always remember those days. May they be good days, or may they be days that I thought would be the end of me.

CNF-Growing is Forever

Life. For some it goes on for ever!
It takes a long time to grow. It doesn't just happen over night.
We all make connections with other that come into our lives.
They are forever engraved on our souls; Forever in our hearts; Forever part of us.

How will you be remembered by those that have come in contact with you?
Will you have impacted their live as much as they have impacted yours?

Growing doesn't happen over night.  It takes so long, and isn't always easy.
We go through to many challenges to grow even the tiniest bit.

Growing really is Forever!

Dear Past Me,

Dear Past Me,

Life isn’t easy.  In fact, you will go through more challenges than you think you can handle.  More times than once, you will want to just crawl in a hole and stay there forever. 

You will hate high school.  It’s not somewhere that you will want to go everyday.  High school is the place that you will meet the one person who single handedly stole everything from you.  Stole your childhood.  Stole your past, present, and what will feel like your future.  And stole most importantly your innocence.  You won’t know what to do for a while after he shatters your soul.  Everyday will be a constant battle and reminder of what he did to you.  Unfortunately, you will learn nothing can mask the pain.

You will have some good times though.  They may be few and far between but you will have some.  Keep those close to you, so if you feel like you can’t go on you can always look back. 

Parents, there is no way to get away from all the yelling they are going to do.  You will have to suck it up and take it.  They will yell at you on a weekly basis.  The sad part is that you will get used to it. 

Your life will be hard.  You won’t have the “cake-walk” that others have.  You’re going to have to work harder than everyone else just to try to stay afloat.  Life won’t be like the movies for you, it’s going to be a challenge.  You will learn a tremendous amount though.  And in the end, you will become a strong person.

Everything is going to feel like an eternity.  It won’t be longer than a year though.  You just need to keep your head up and survive.  When you hit rock bottom remember the only way to go is up!

Future You.

Eyes wide open

First rally of my senior year. Its crazy to think that we are now seniors. It seems like just last year we were freshman. I've been looking back a lot today and realizing that I have grown so much in such a short time. Everyone says that all the time but it really is true. You change more than you even know.

This change you experience can be good or bad. For me its good. At least that's what I think. How I look at life and people is better than how I did 3 years ago. Honestly, its better than even a few months ago. Life changes people. People change lives.

Everything is everchanging. 

Everything has an Effect

So I've learned today that everything you do, has an effect on your future. Every choice you make has a consequence if its not the right choice. And everyone you come in contact with can change your life, if you let them. So choose who your around carefully. And be even more carefully of what you do. You never know what may come of the choices that you make now...

Why I Write

There are many reasons to why I write. Its like a form of therapy for me, you can get out all of your thoughts onto the page without the fear of judgment. A piece of paper doesn't have the impact that a person has, it can't tell you that your writing sucks or that you've made to many mistakes that you shouldn't even bother writing anymore. Writing is a safe place for me to say what I want to, to tell about my experiences may they be good or may they be the most terrifying thing I've ever been put through.

When I write I am able to sat who I really am. I'm able to say that I am Jaymie Lynn, a victim of the cruelness of man, and a survivor in turn. My name may not matter when I write, but I know that my story does. I've learned through reading other peoples work that the bullsh*t we call life happens to others, and I really am not alone. And that my horrible experiences are not one of a kind, but that others have gone through them too.

No one knows my full story. No one knows all of the reasons why I write. Hell I don't even know them myself. I will however tell you that the moment my fingers touch those keys or my pen hits that paper, I am completely relaxed and ready to explore what I am feeling. I write to find that place of peace. To find out who I am right now, in this very moment. Honestly, most of the time I'm just full of sh*t. I don't know who I am! I just sit there and the first thing that cones into my mind, I start to write it all out. A lot of the time its the same topic, the day that my innocence was ripped from me. Many people don't see why I have to revisit that in my writing, and neither do I. Whenever I write about it, I feel like a piece of it is leaving me, and I can hopefully feel safe again. Writing helps me to get to that safe place. I may not feel safe now, or happy, or honestly feel anything, but when I write that is the only time I can feel. I know that what I am writing can affect someone is a positive way, and hopefully help them.

I was asked why I write. I write to get away and help people with my story. I write to find out who the hell I am. I write because I want to. I write because I can.