CNF- Memories

Have you ever had those days that you know for a fact you will remember them for the rest of your life? You can remember every last little detail. The smell of your mother's sweet perfume, the small smile spreading across her face when she looks at you and you’re gazing up at her, and the exact clothes she was wearing. I will always remember the way that she gracefully placed the golden brown eye shadow upon her lids.



I will always remember the fights that I had with my sister. How many times I screamed at her saying, "I f*cking hate you!" The sad part is, I can't remember many times where we got along and said, "I love you." I remember every time I glared at her, wishing that one day I would come home and she would be gone. Evaporated like mist in the air.



We all have those days that we remember every little tiny detail. No matter how many times you replay it in your head it always stays the same. Me, in my favorite shorts and black tank top, going to hang out with him. Worst mistake of my life. I can still taste his mouth; the mix of cigarettes and weed. Smoking every day never able to go more than an hour before having to smoke more cigarettes or get high again. I can still feel him on top of me, making sure I stay put. Making sure that his weight was on me enough that I couldn't get away if I even tried. Making sure that he was in control.



Those days when I feel like I can't take it anymore. My body wanting to fold into itself and collapse on my bed for the rest of my life. Crying so hard, my eyes are bloodshot and I finally find some peace in my sleep. My parent's convinced I'm on drugs, not thinking that maybe something was wrong.



I will always remember those days. May they be good days, or may they be days that I thought would be the end of me.